Dear Mr. Benjamin, Our family would like to thank you so much for the incredible experience, tradition, and rite of passage you have provided to our 3 children! Your life long lessons, care and great sharp wit, have made the most wonderful memories for us all.  Thank you very much  LH

Thank you, Mr. Benjamin. Your class is a wonderful opportunity for our kids to broaden their experiences and learn about skills often not taught anymore. I think you have very thoughtfully and appropriately incorporated messages about gender equality and new social norms into your classes, while maintaining some old-fashioned values. I was very impressed!

Thank you for all you do.

Dr. LB

Dear Mr. Benjamin,

As we come to the end of the Cotillion class, I wanted to thank you for putting together this program. It has been invaluable and I have really seen a difference in my son, Z’s, behavior and poise. What you have been teaching these last few months are all things that my husband and I teach our sons, but something about being in your class with a room full of their peers, has really brought home these lessons.
Regards,
K

Dear Mr. Benjamin,

When my daughter, F, started your class she was somewhat shy in certain situations – conversations with adults, situations where she didn’t know anyone, etc.  I have noticed a big difference in her since taking your class.  She now looks adults in the eye while shaking hands and introducing herself and seems confident when answering questions and making conversation.  I think that dancing with new partners at each class has made it easier for her to start conversations with people she doesn’t know.  Introducing these skills to kids this age will be so helpful for them as they grow!  Is it possible to get a list of the topics you covered at each class?  I’d love to continue to reinforce what she learned.

Thank you for offering this class and continuing the tradition.  We look forward to our younger daughter taking your class in three years!

Best,

KB

Mr. Benjamin –

Thank you so much for doing this class – it’s a rare thing these days for kids to learn how to handle themselves in social situations. It’s great to have reinforcement of what we teach at home, and the opportunity to socialize with peers has been wonderful.

Thank you again for all you do for our kids.

RR

Dear Mr. Benjamin,

Last week my son G was unable to attend cotillion.  I’m only sharing this with you because he was so disappointed to miss it!  I never thought he would look forward to cotillion, but he truly does. Thank you for making this class enjoyable for kids year after year. I am sad to say that G is my youngest child so our cotillion days are numbered.  I will gladly recommend your class to our younger friends.

AW

Dear Mr. Benjamin,

A few days ago my son had to go to the doctor. When the doctor came and said hello to him he stood up, looked him in the eye and shook his hand. The doctor looked back at him a little surprised and said..Hey! Nice hand shake!! Where did you learn that?? Very confident my son said..Cotillion. The doctor regretted not sending his sons when they were younger. Made my evening 😄.

Thank you for your teachings,

JD

Dear Peter,

M and I are thankful for your services and for passing on your social wisdom to A and her contemporaries.  I think the kids are coming out of this experience with a central attribute:  added confidence. Your program really does help them navigate the waters of society’s various currents.  Currents they may not encounter every day, but at least they’ll know what to do when they find themselves in a variety of inevitable situations.

They make the “cotillion resistance” a competitive sport; but at least for my girl, I know she enjoyed every minute of it… whether she’ll admit it or not.

Thank you.

D

Mr. Benjamin –

WOW – what a great program!  I wanted to thank you for continuing your father’s tradition and offering this wonderful training opportunity for our youth.  It is really needed in this changing society where people are forced to socialize and interact more through all this new technology in a global world; however the common graces, politeness and kindness seem to be lacking and/or people haven’t figured out how to apply it in today’s society.   Many of the manner/social grace items that you teach are items that my mother taught me and I try to pass down to my kids, but somehow the message isn’t taken as seriously from your own parent than from someone else.

I attended most of the sessions and was impressed with the relevancy of the course materials, how you presented the topics and how you managed to control the large number of ladies and gentlemen for the one-hour time period.  You were firm, but extremely respectful.  Both of my kids learned a lot and so did I.

Thank you again.  I am recommending your class to all of my friends who have children going into 6th and 7th grade.

Kindest regards,

MR

Mr. Benjamin

I want to personally thank you for conducting your cotillion class all of these years.

My daughter, O is currently taking it and she thoroughly enjoys it. My son D is now a sophomore and he took it when he was a sixth grader. He too enjoyed his experience.

As parents, my wife and I have made most of these get together’s. We have enjoyed observing each of these yearlong sessions, watching how the children evolve from that first meeting where they typically have no clue, to the point where they really seem to get it.  in a lot of cases we laughed hysterically at the things we observed.

I grew up in Clairemont and took this class myself.  I would assume your father conducted that class as I think I’m a few years older than yourself……  😉

It’s with a little sadness that i read this email.  O is really looking forward to next week and will no doubt miss running home from whatever practice to shower and get dressed up for cotillion on Tuesday nights.

You must be very proud of the positive influences you have made to countless children of this community.  I commend you for doing your part in trying to maintain the proper and decent social values that our society seems to have slowly forgotten about.

Thanks and good luck always!
jt

Mr. Benjamin, I think it’s a wonderful service that you provide to the community. As I get older and ponder the ills of society, I have come to realize the importance of teaching our children manners, respect, and as you say, “thoughtfulness for others”. I truly believe that many of the problems in our world stem from a departure from these basic principles. With your teaching, and our reinforcement as parents, my hope is that our children become examples of proper behavior and serve as seeds in the community to spread social propriety Regards, Mr. TO

Dear Mr. Benjamin, Thank you for a great series of classes. My son’s social confidence improved dramatically. Your style of teaching is a wonderful match with this age group. I appreciate your clear expectations dosed with lots of humor putting the students at ease. I plan to enroll my younger son when he is in sixth grade. Sincerely, K

Dear Mr. Benjamin, It has been our pleasure to have our son attend your class. I believe D has learned a good deal about the proper etiquette and manners associated with circumstances of life, now and in the future. Thanks so much, Mr. and Mrs. S

Dear Mr. Benjamin, I wanted to thank you for another wonderful year! My daughter thoroughly enjoyed your program two years ago, and now my son J has loved it. I must admit, my son was upset when I told him I had signed him up for Junior Assembly, but he has been a fan since the first session. He absolutely looked forward to each and every class It is nice that you have kept up this wonderful tradition. As a parent, it is wonderful to have an “outsider” reinforce the manners and etiquette I try so hard to instill. And, you teach some things that I don’t always think to mention. I have one more son, so I hope to be back with him in three years. Thanks again. Sincerely, Mrs. EK

Dear Mr. Benjamin, Thank you for all you have done for these kids. I enjoy going as much as my daughter does. I love how you handle this age group. Thanks again for continuing this wonderful tradition. I can’t wait for my younger daughter to have her turn. Keep up the great work, you are amazing! Thank you, Mrs. SH

Dear Mr. Benjamin,

P has enjoyed this greatly and we congratulate you for your efforts. As you know, our other son, A, has fond memories of the times he took your lessions. I will, of course, be there like always on Wednesday. All the the children have undoubtedly been reinforced by the valuable lessons you are teaching them. Kudos!

Thank you, C

Dear Mr. Benjamin,

Thank you so much for the wonderful classes. My son, C, enjoyed every minute of them and learned a great deal. What a terrific experience!

With sincerest appreciation, Mrs. HL

Peter,

I am very inspired and really feel a good energy within your program. Your delivery is as good as it gets.  The content of your program is so vital for the social development of our youth. Like they say it takes a village. Your time with our children is short and we as parents must re-enforce what you are teaching them. Thank you for this experience. I am enlightened.

I have two more behind C, so the way I see it, you are not allowed to retire for at least 8 more years.

Kindest regards,

WW

Dear Mr. Benjamin,

I am so pleased with the Junior Cotillion program. My son was not hot on the idea, but after the first class he loved it. He now tells me he enjoys talking to the girls and dancing. This program is teaching him how to be a proper young man around the ladies. The dressing in business attire is the best. He loves the ensemble, especially the shoes.

You are amazing with the kids. I have known many of them since kindergarten and I never would have guessed someone could control and organize all of them so well. I feel this training is something that is slipping in society today and your offering it to the kids is priceless. I would recommend Mr. Benjamin’s Cotillion to ALL kids, as well as some adults I know. Thank you for this wonderful opportunity. It has been our pleasure.

Sincerely, Mrs. AK

Mr. Benjamin,

Thank you for the time and effort spent working with our preteens at the Thurgood Marshall Middle School site. It was amazing how you pinpointed the feelings and attitudes prevailing regarding certain subjects.

I loved seeing the expression on my daughter and her friend’s faces when your helpers saw they always traded with each other when dancing. Your ladies separated the guy friends and girl friends to either side of the room. Priceless 🙂

I see my daughter at a stage where she no longer shows she is actively listening, but she is. The other day she was telling her grandpa how important it is to dress up for a job interview even if you are going to be a maintenance person at Sea World. I knew this came from your lessons. She is definitely at the gawky stage, but with your re-enforcement of manners is able to present herself with confidence and pose when the time is needed. This has been witnessed in band, piano and other performances and presentations.

You have planted your seeds for good character right along with ours. It may take awhile for them to germinate, but they will grow and flourish.

I will definitely refer your program to parents of younger children.

All the best,

LM

Dear Mr. Benjamin,

J and I have absolutely loved your Scripps Ranch class. I try to reinforce all the lessons learned, every chance I get. Although she is at an age where she is amenable to inculcating etiquette into her daily life, your presentation and explanations have made my job, as a single parent, much easier.

Thank you, sincerely. Ms. LJ

Dear Peter,

Dear Mr. Benjamin, I would like to express my gratitude for providing such a wonderful opportunity and experience for my daughter, L. It was a pleasure having you as an instructor, someone with charm and wit, that the children were undeniably drawn to and quite frankly, someone that each of us parents could learn a thing or two from, as well. Your tutelage is something that I hope never goes out of style and everyone can benefit from. All my best to you and your future endeavors. Sincerely,KO

Dear Mr. Benjamin,

I just wanted to take a moment to thank you for your Junior Cotillion classes. Although we missed your first night, our son was able to catch up with the brief review you provided the second evening.

Our son M, who is in sixth grade of course, and an only child, is very shy around girls. I was TRULY amazed as I watched a transformation occur while hiding behind some other parents during our first session. I instantly realized that this venue provided an opportunity for M to grow in a way that he just would not get any other way!

As you had them brainstorm the many topics of conversation they could engage in while dancing, I could see M relax and for the first time, maintain a conversation many minutes in length with his partner. His confidence has already been boosted!

We’re looking forward to the continuing journey as he develops the social graces and poise written about in your newspaper article as well as on your website.

This is a rare and very valuable experience. Thank you so much for providing these very useful and important life lessons in a very comfortable setting.

Sincerely, Mrs. PC

I want to thank you for teaching all three of my children! They learned a lot and my older daughters wish they had it now. Cotillion has given us hope for our son’s future. Our son has Asperger’s Syndrome and has trouble socially. What we learned through cotillion is that when given specific instructions, he can fully participate and actually enjoy being social. Giving him the words to use to ask someone to dance, where to put his hands, insisting on meaningful conversation and etiquette has taught him how to handle these types of social situations. He has attended many social skills classes and has learned more in cotillion than any of the weekly classes he participates in. His confidence in social situations has grown tremendously. I was so worried that first night. But watching him do what he was supposed to do during that first dance brought tears to my eyes knowing that everything was going to be okay.

Thank you again for all you do for our children!

D

Thank you Mr. Benjamin, for conducting the classes.  S said, “Mom, everyone should go to Mr. Benjamin’s class.  You have fun and you get over the fear of asking a girl to dance.”  From a 12 year old boy, that’s a great compliment!  I really enjoyed watching the kids as they learned to dance, loved the manners you discussed and loved listening to their comments.  So many of the kids had really cute things to say!  As a parent, you are proud of your kids at so many stages in their life.  I will remember this one as S’s first dance.  I’ll also remember him saying to me, “Mom, this is my one night out, on my own.  Please don’t come with me every time!”  Thank goodness for the “dance” night when the parents get to come:)

Thank you!

K and S G 

Hello Peter,

We are looking forward to the party this Wed.

My son C and I have enjoyed your program immensely! THANK YOU. The lessons you teach are so important, especially today where sadly, there is such a lack of manners, empathy, compassion and kindness for others.  I could not have been more impressed with your program, the way you conveyed the lessons to the kids, and most importantly, your awesome sense of humor!!!  It was an all-around great opportunity and experience. Thank you!

J

Just found out last week that W has a lacrosse game on the last night of Cotillion.  He’s missed just one Cotillion over the February break and now it looks like he’ll miss the very last class.  I am disappointed but I wanted to take a moment to say THANK YOU.  This has been a wonderful experience.  In his youth, he doesn’t yet realize how much he has learned and how much his confidence has improved in this type of situation.  At the last class, I noticed two girls cut in to dance with W, including one who is a frequent partner (but they attend different schools).  I also observed, as on past occasions, quite a bit of talking and smiling going on as he danced.  That makes me so happy—I feel like you have taught him some of what he needs to know to succeed in the future at dances, dinners, and other social/business functions.  Thank you.

See you in two years, for my next son’s Cotillion experience.

Sincerely,

BK

Dear Mr. Benjamin,

I am very pleased to tell you that I have found your class to be very helpful for my son and for the very many that are part of such a wonderful introduction into the world of kindness, good manners, proper formality, and genuine human interaction. I as a parent have regained some of the lost or forgotten values in the process as well.  You are a perfect fit for such a program and I am grateful to have the opportunity to have my son participate.

MY

Dear Mr. Benjamin, I apologize for this delayed email, but I wanted to let you know that my son, E, really enjoyed your program this past year. He certainly feels more confident about asking a young lady to dance and has demonstrated an appreciation for having good manners (we’ll keep up those good habits). I appreciated how you engaged the kids – you demanded their respect without being condescending. Each evening was well organized and monitored – and fun! We will likely be back in the next several years (we have two more children)! Thank you very much.

Sincerely, MH

I’d better throw my hat in the ring and affirm that the lessons I learned at Mr. Benjamin’s forty years ago are lessons still worth knowing. When seated at a large dinner party, committee meeting, or professional banquet, I always wait until the woman seated to my right picks up her fork before I begin eating.

Going from San Diego to an Ivy League college, I was exposed to classmates from fancy prep schools. Some of my classmates had parents who were famous celebrities. Never once was I unsure of myself of how to act among cultured people, thanks to the training I received from Mr. Benjamin. I remember he once said, “When you have completed this course (the junior high version), you will be able to board an ocean liner with the Queen of England on board and not have to worry about knowing what to do in her presence.”

The lessons I learned at cotillion will serve for a lifetime.

Regards,
Jim Sperber, MD
San Juan Capistrano, CA

Fifty years since Mr. Benjamin taught me the bossa nova! How can that be? “Don,” as we called him in those long-ago days in Del Mar, offered an adult class, first at the Rock House and then at Cardiff’s Beacon Inn.

As newcomers to the area and avid dancers, my husband and I joined. Leaving baby sitters and kids at home, we all made many new friends, especially Don and (his wife) Ellie. Don polished up our traditional ballroom moves and introduced the steps and sway of the latest rhythms. Ahh, “Appleblossom White.” I look back fondly at those Tuesday evenings and continue to offer thanks to Mr. Benjamin.

LB, Encinitas

You may be happy to know that I have been on myriad dates, danced, served as best man at my best friend’s wedding, given toasts to large reception halls, and am well known for my thank-you notes and prompt RSVPs. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you the mileage one can get from formal etiquette. If your current denizens of Generation Y do even a tenth of what you and your dad tell them to do, people will be blown away.

Keep up the good work. The elegance and class that you lend your sixth graders will stay with them longer than you can know.

Regards,
FH
MD/MS candidate (2006)
Medical College of Ohio, Toledo

Re: “Mr. Manners: Donald Benjamin has been getting kids off on the right foot for 50 years.” (Jane Clifford, Feb. 21):

Your article brought many memories from my youth. I too, was conscripted in Mr. Benjamin’s dance classes, held in Balboa Park. I’m soon to be 58 this year, and these memories of 45-plus years ago have not faded. My late mother and father had this idea that I was in need of some polishing and learning of social graces. I, on the other hand, disagreed with them both . . . they won.

Prior to my entering Mr. Benjamin’s class, I spent almost a year attending dance lessons and “behavior modification” with Gladys Bowen, at her dance studio in Point Loma.

As much as I hated dressing up in slacks, white shirt and tie, not to mention the “hard shoes” I had to wear, I did, in fact, learn many of the skills my parents could not make me understand. To this day, I walk on the outside of my wife when walking on the street, I open her car door after 25-plus years of marriage . . . and I’m still a pretty damn good dancer.

So thank you both, Donald and Gladys. A special thank you to my parents, who both knew I needed outside guidance and help.

GN, Bonita